_FuKt_ (tribal_fuk) wrote,

the more I talk, the better I feel.

I just came back from Jen's place up in Pittsfield, MA. I am thankful for someone like her to be around in such time of need. Someone who could understand where I am coming from in some manner. She even went out of her way to pick me up. The talks we had a great impact on how I feel today, how I felt last night. At first being there, any where other then home makes me feel un comfortable. After a little while I got used to being out and now that I am back I feel great that I went. Even last minute I was thinking of telling her not to come. I could've always stayed home although talking to people through online isn't enough somtimes. I am feeling pretty damn good though. I actually have some kinda plan together in my head but I will leave it to myself just in case it isn't executed. With the combination of words spit to others and some to me by people. Also the little bit jordan has spoke to me, things are looking better. For now atleast and I will take that day by day, even if I have to minute by minute.

I got to speak about just situations between mine and her life. As I look at things shit was getting very chaotic in both of our lives. Between the move, my grandfather, me being worn to the bone from work, things in her life and also the stress of missing the fuck out of each other. Even though it was only 5 days away before I was suppose to leave this state. It's still stressful, very stressful. I sit and think of the things I could possibly do for myself and I have come up with a few thankx to speaking with Jen. As soon as I get the ball rolling maybe some more will come. I never thought I would be capable of doing this but I must admit I wouldn't be moving so quickly if there wasnt a certain someone behind me. I know she says do things for myself, yet I am. A bit of encouragement does help sometimes.

I am very proud of you and your choices of things to do for yourself. I know we've definitely put each other on the back burner for one or an other, maybe more for one person then the other. I am very happy to see you look brightly upon the future, more so when you mentioned school. You know how I have always thought about that and I sorta place some kinda blame for you dropping out. You're a very bright intelligent girl and I have learned so much from you I couldn't even begin to explain. I would sit back through out the years and listen to you talk about certain things you would like to accomplish and what you would like to do in the future. I just wanna say that you do have it in you. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. You take much pride in what you do, pride in your work weather be school or a job or even writing a journal entry. Pride equals excellence. I wish you the best of luck in your job search as well. I know its hard for you to swallow your pride to work a retail job but you sure wont have the daily stress of knowing you HAVE to work, you're doing this for yourself and you can find great benefit from it.
I will continue to miss you the same, and love you even more. All the emotions that have been spilled and tears that have been cried to the sleepless nights, everything. All I can get from this is so much more love for you. I never thought I would be able to seek some kinda of happiness after that day. Thank you for the inspiration jordan. I love you with all my heart and then some. Maybe my butt cheeks? Do me a favor sometime. Take the time to think of something that will make you laugh or smile. Like my hairy butt cheeks that you love oh so much. I hope you didn't find that out of line..
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